Today's Words Of Glass

I'll come clean - I like things my way, done my way and in the time frame that I want them done. I'm working on changing and being more flexible, but let's get real, it's not going to happen overnight. So I shouldn't be surprised that Lil Man is cut from the same cloth. ( I might add that although Hubby probably denies it, he also likes things done in his way and his time frame also. I do think though that his time frame is a little slower than mine. I tend to want things done now verses later ). But Lil Man being 3.5 can definitely be a little strong-willed at times. And these last couple of weeks, it's been battles over the little things - like getting dressed - time to leave the house - time for bed - what he doesn't want to eat etc. I think you get the picture. And by the end of the day it can truly be exhausting ( Can I get an amen? ) And does anyone else feel a little inadequate at times? I mean, I'm helping my son learn how to cope with sit...

What they don't tell you about Motherhood... They don't tell you that you will feel love in a way that you've never felt before, to the point that it almost hurts at times. They don't tell you that watching your child struggle at something is one of the most painful feelings in the world. They don't tell you that watching them gain their independence is one of the most gratifying yet scariest feelings ever. They don't tell you that when they hurt you feel it in every fiber of your being. They don't tell you that even as they get older, you'll still check on them in the middle of the night to make sure they are still breathing. They don't tell you that there will be days that you will feel like the worst parent in the world, that you wonder if you are cut out for this, and  if you'll ever figure out how to do this. Because the truth is ( in my world) , there are some days that I wonder if I will ever figure this parenting thing out. ...

I suppose it looks better since the swelling has gone down. And the knot behind his ear is gone. And he doesn't seem to act like it's sore, but it sure looked bad. He's had a good weekend though. He loves it outside, and he's spent a lot of time outside 'helping' Daddy. They've been doing yard work, and we did some gardening today.  I looked over at him last night as he was sitting in his little Coupe car watching his Daddy through the glass door, and I could see him at 16. The time is flying by so fast. It's all going too fast. There are moments that I just want it to stop - stand still. I want to let the moment sink in. (Last night was one of those moments). I want that memory engraved deep into my soul of my little boy watching his Daddy through the window. I want to freeze that moment. Because it's all going by so fast. 

So Lil Man, at almost 2 years old,  is really showing his independence. Just where does he get this stubborn streak?!? Oh yeah... probably from me. My mid-morning started off with me chasing him to change his dirty diaper. I could smell him from across the room. He, however, has learned that if he squats and bounces he can push the poop around and apparently it feels 'funny'. This has become a 'fun' thing to do after pooping. It isn't so much fun for Mommy to clean up squished poop. So I chased him. Caught him. Changed him. Released him. But then it was getting closer to the dreaded lunch time. I wasn't sure what to feed him today. See, he's been showing some... shall we say... resistance to whatever I give him (even if it is something that I KNOW he likes). Well, he wanted some yogurt. I decided why not and let him have it. He ate 3, yes 3, gogurts and then a small cup of yogurt at 10:30am. I knew this would pretty much mess up lunch, but I didn't wan...

So we've had this sore throat things that kindof comes and goes. Lil Man got sick last Wednesday. I got it on Thursday. But by Sunday, I still had a sore throat, but it was a little better. I was able to push through an 18 mile run in the freezing cold. But by Monday morning, I noticed that Lil Man was grumpy. And he seemed to get grumpier as the day went on. By Monday evening, I told my Hubby that I was getting sick. I could feel it coming on. By last night, I had chills. Thankfully I was able to get a full night of sleep, and feel somewhat better this morning. Today has been bouts of playing with Lil Man, and then dealing with extreme crankiness on his part. So I'm assuming that he too still does not feel well. We had to cancel our speech appointment today, and we bowed out of playgroup for tomorrow. I don't want to spread germs. We've been fever free for awhile, but I didn't want to take any chances. We do have an activity planned for Friday that I really ho...

Busy doesn't begin to describe it. A week or so ago, I lost my 'main' freelance job. It came out of no where. I just got up one day to work, opened my email, and boom that was it. She lost a client and she had to let me go. I was disappointed, but I totally understood. Sooooo.. I applied for several jobs hoping I could find one to fill that spot. Can you believe that I got 3 jobs in one week? Great right! But I wasn't expecting that to happen. And I really wasn't expecting to get an email from the lady (that I really like working for that had to let me go) saying that she needed 5 hours this week if I could do it. So in addition to the 3 new jobs, I still had 5 hours to work for her. So I went from being busy to insanely busy. Two of my jobs are writing jobs. I am so very slow (apparently) and it's taking more time than I anticipated. Factor in the fact that Lil Man is sick, it's really stressful right now. Hubby has been sick. Lil Man got a fever yester...

I really do have this character flaw of needing other people to like me or accept me. It really is a nuisance. Do you have any idea what it's like to go through life daily and constantly wonder what people are thinking about you? Not so much the way that I look, although I have always been self conscience about my looks. Scars on my face, crooked teeth, and now gray hair doesn't always help me lean toward self confidence in the looks department. But in most areas of my life, I struggle with this character flaw. When it comes to my running, although I am training for my first marathon (second time training), I still, at times, have a hard time considering myself a 'real' runner. Seriously? I just ran/walked 14 miles on the treadmill last week. I've run two 20 milers this past year. I'm getting up before dawn to get in training runs. Runs that I might add aren't lazy do nothing runs, but real kick your rear into gear runs. But when I'm around more acco...

So my kid hates Kindermusik. He's a little behind on his speech, but he is constantly 'on the go'. When I heard about Kindermusik, I thought it would be a good thing for him. I knew that it worked on motor skills and could also help with communication. And since Lil Man is all about movement, I thought it would be the perfection combination. NOT! Our preview visit was a disaster. He spent most of the time just glued to me. But I discussed it with Hubby, and we decided this was something that we needed to do. With him being an only child and no family nearby, we feel that it's important to give him as many opportunities with other kids as we can. But Kindermusik is definitely beyond his comfort zone. I'm not the most outgoing person myself. I can be (at times), but I can also be incredibly shy. And I see that in my son. I don't want to force him into things, but I want to at least give him the opportunity to try, even if it's a little uncomfortable for b...

What a morning! Maybe I should star in a reality show called Toddlers and Toilets. It started off as most normal mornings go. Once everyone is up and moving, I go down to the basement and run on the treadmill while Hubby and Lil Man eat their breakfast. I had just finished a 3.5 mile run when I went upstairs. I began making Hubby's lunch, and Lil Man was occupying himself with his drill. The drill was his favorite present from Christmas. He has played with it every day since he got it. Maybe a week after Christmas, the first drill bit was lost. I don't know how it disappeared. I just know that it did. But thankfully the drill came with two. And every day at the end of the day, we try our best to locate said drill bit so that this one doesn't disappear also. We had somewhere to be, and I had less than an hour to get cleaned up and changed so we could get out the door into this frigid arctic air. I ate breakfast standing up while I made Hubby's lunch. Hubby got Lil M...

No one said this would be easy... motherhood that is. Thankfully no one said to me "if you think the pregnancy is hard, just wait until he gets here." My first big obstacle of becoming a Mom was when I realized that Lil Man would be so demanding of me. Gone were the days of sitting down to eat a meal. Forget getting a leisure shower. Somewhere in there I sort of got lost along the way. I'm a runner, but who has the time or the energy to run when you have a demanding (there's that word again) newborn. But I got through it. We found our routine, and we made it work. Now are approaching the two's. Let me say, this is really hard. Here is this little person before me who has his own ideas about EVERYTHING. And it seems like lately that my ideas are not his ideas. I'm trying to remind myself that just like I got through the newborn phase, I will get through this one also. I've also learned that it is important to take time for me. Taking care of myself ...

No book, no class, no person that I spoke with prepared me for Motherhood. No matter how many times I heard people say, 'sleep when the baby sleeps', it didn't hit home until I lived what they were talking about. Nothing could have prepared me for the extreme exhaustion and the feelings of inadequacy that I felt. "You will soon learn your baby's cries". Really? Really? Like one day I'm going to wake up and I would know what his screaming was about. I imagined all of these other mothers hearing their little one cry a peep and go, oh, little Freddie must want me to rub his big toe to make him feel better. Well I'm here to tell you that during that time, I tried it all. I fed, changed the diaper even at times when it was dry just in case I had it on too tight or crooked. I rocked, I sang. I read that maybe he was overstimulated so I tried not to give him too much stimulation. Then I read maybe he was bored and wasn't stimulated enough. So I tried more...

Motherhood - wow - need I say more! Yep, our little one is here. He didn't have an easy time getting here either. But after a grueling 33 hour labor, he made his arrival. He was late term premature but weighed 7lb 10.8 ounces. I tried my best to prepare myself for motherhood. I read the books. I flipped through the magazines. I went to child birth classes. But when he was brought to my room for the first time after coming back from NICU and left with us, I realized I could read all the books in the world and it wouldn't prepare me for this. I have never felt such love and fear at the same time. Here he was, this little person that I am responsible for... I am his mother - my husband his father. I was on strict bedrest, unable to get out of bed for any reason.  As I watched the love in my husband's eyes as he picked up his son, I knew we could do this. We wouldn't know all the answers - no parent does. But we had this. Our little one is two months old today. It...