Today's Words Of Glass

My son was in speech from a very young age. I knew that he wasn't 'babbling' the way that his peers were. So I pushed for testing. He qualified. Long story short, I pushed for testing again when he was older and got him moved to work with a speech therapist ( at a younger age than most would have ). He tested out of speech. But when he was 2, his speech teacher suggested that I put him in preschool. I hadn't even entertained the idea! I planned to put him in at 3, but not 2. After some discussion with Hubby, I checked into it. Talk about being nervous. This was the first time that I had been away from Lil Man, and the first time that I had trusted anyone to care for him. It was the best thing ever - for us .

Lately, I keep finding myself thinking about, trying to plan or let's just face it, worrying about the future. And today, I realized I need to just stop. That's right - just stop. Focus on the moment, not the moment tomorrow, not the moment 5 minutes from now, but the moment now - this moment that I'm currently living. This feeling of needing to focus on the future stems from finances. I'm not sure why the minute your child goes to preschool that a woman feels (or feels pressured by others) to try to generate some income during those precious 2.5 hours that your kid is in school. And maybe most women don't feel that way, but I do. And I, at times , get outside pressure from others that this is what is expected of me And so I'm feeling the pressure and my stress level is rising, and I'm missing the moment because I'm worrying about what I'm going to be doing as a job a couple of years from now when Lil Man goes to school. And trust me, as I ...

Can you believe it? That it's the end of the school year. It just seems like yesterday that I couldn't believe that I was leaving my baby at preschool ( And We Survived) , and now I'm moaning the blues that next week is the last day of our school year. This year has truly been a learning experience for both Lil Man and me. We (both) have grown so much over this last school year. I can't put into words how proud I am of my little boy - how he's overcome his fears to walk into that classroom full of strangers. He's becoming his own little person. And although we at times crash head on over stubborn will, and demanding things be done a 'certain' way, he is truly a pleasure in my life. I worry, as Moms worry about their children. And I'm finding that from the moment I knew his precious life was in my body, that I will always worry for his safety, for his happiness, and for all things that parents worry about. And I'm also finding that I can...

It happened... things were going so well... except for the very first day when there were just a few tears because it was new, we haven't had ONE issue with this.. not one... except for today... Today it was raining and he wanted the umbrella. So I let him carry the umbrella, but he didn't want to put it 'down' when we got to the door. He refused to close it. But I tried my best to explain that we can't have an umbrella open inside, and we had to close it. He was satisfied (somewhat) with that as long as he got to carry it. Sigh... I tried to warn him "Mommy is going to go potty, but once we leave the bathroom, Mommy has to carry the umbrella. You can't take it with you to your room". NO MOMMY (oh yes, he is stringing 2 words together now. But it feels like some days those two words are No Mommy over and over and over). I distracted him and discretely ditched the umbrella behind a door at the school. Yes , I just said that I hid my umbrella behind ...

In just a few short weeks, Lil Man will start pre-school. I'm not ready. When I signed him up, I thought I was ready. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm not ready for him to move on to this next phase in his life. I'm not ready to move on the the next phase in my life as his life changes so does mine. I freaked out when the school calendar came out. I suppose it was that moment when I realized that he was really about to go to pre-school. (on a side note, I freaked out a little with knowing that I will have to keep up with yellow day, camping day, orange day and the list goes on and on). What if my kid is the only one who shows up with the wrong color shirt?!?  And apparently I'm neurotic enough to worry about those things. But ever since the school calendar posted online, I've shed a lot of tears. I have been bombarded with an abundance of emotions. In fact, I haven't really had time to try to sort out everything that I'm feeling. I just know that there...

Busy doesn't begin to describe it. A week or so ago, I lost my 'main' freelance job. It came out of no where. I just got up one day to work, opened my email, and boom that was it. She lost a client and she had to let me go. I was disappointed, but I totally understood. Sooooo.. I applied for several jobs hoping I could find one to fill that spot. Can you believe that I got 3 jobs in one week? Great right! But I wasn't expecting that to happen. And I really wasn't expecting to get an email from the lady (that I really like working for that had to let me go) saying that she needed 5 hours this week if I could do it. So in addition to the 3 new jobs, I still had 5 hours to work for her. So I went from being busy to insanely busy. Two of my jobs are writing jobs. I am so very slow (apparently) and it's taking more time than I anticipated. Factor in the fact that Lil Man is sick, it's really stressful right now. Hubby has been sick. Lil Man got a fever yester...