Today's Words Of Glass

It's always this time of the year that I struggle. You'd think that year after year that I wouldn't be surprised that I'm struggling. I mean EVERY year this time of the year it happens. So you think this year that it wouldn't come as a surprise. There are some family dynamics that I refuse to openly discuss. But it is a heartache that I feel on a daily basis. Say what you want, say what you will, but not a day goes by that I don't have to deal with the struggle inside. And with the holidays it seems to bring it all to the surface. My son will never meet these people. They are not a part of his life, and the reality is they never will be. And it is a heartache that I deal with on a daily basis. It is the feeling of rejection -  not wanted - not loved. And most days I handle it well. But then there are some days that heartache erupts over into my daily life. And it's the little things that set it off - someone blocking me on Facebook - the feeling of...

Lately, I keep finding myself thinking about, trying to plan or let's just face it, worrying about the future. And today, I realized I need to just stop. That's right - just stop. Focus on the moment, not the moment tomorrow, not the moment 5 minutes from now, but the moment now - this moment that I'm currently living. This feeling of needing to focus on the future stems from finances. I'm not sure why the minute your child goes to preschool that a woman feels (or feels pressured by others) to try to generate some income during those precious 2.5 hours that your kid is in school. And maybe most women don't feel that way, but I do. And I, at times , get outside pressure from others that this is what is expected of me And so I'm feeling the pressure and my stress level is rising, and I'm missing the moment because I'm worrying about what I'm going to be doing as a job a couple of years from now when Lil Man goes to school. And trust me, as I ...