Today's Words Of Glass

God, is it too much to ask? I'm trying. I see my son, and I don't want him to be like me. I don't want him to be the one on the outside looking in, wanting to join, but instead is just watching. Because that's me. I want so bad to be included, to be invited, yet if I am invited, I'm so painfully shy that saying 'yes' is very hard to do. And there are times that in groups of people, I wish the floor would just open up and swallow me because it's so extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. And I don't know how to get past feeling like such an outsider. I'm trying my best to fit in here, to find my way. I don't need five. I don't even need two. God, I just need one friend here - just one. One that gets me. One that will pick up the phone and say, hey come meet me. I would love to spend some time with you, and let's let the kids play. One that I know I could be myself with, that I could express that I was having a hard...

I'm not going to lie, Friday I pretty much had a meltdown. The day began with having to register my son for preschool. Registration was at 8:45am, but I had been told that if I wanted to get him into class that I needed to be there ridiculously early, and I mean ridiculously early. I got there at 6:30am and I was already number 16. But as I sat there alone in my cold car, I couldn't help but feel the crushing feeling of just how alone (other than my husband and son) that I am here. I've tried hard to make friends, but I seem to always feel as though I'm the one standing outside the conversation, if that makes sense . I do have my small circle of running friends that I connect with for running/fitness. Although I've been injured so that's left me a little out of the loop, although they have tried their best to keep me connected. Hopefully now that I am recovering, I will be joining them again for some runs. But, without going into too much detail. Friday left...

I look in the mirror and what do I see? One stressed out flabby stomached Momma looking back at me. Ever had one of those times in your  life where you are stressed about pretty much every area of your life? Well that's where I find myself this week. Exercise: I decided that I needed to up my cardio to try to burn more calories and increase my endurance. So, what do I do? I up my cardio. What happens? I start having some issues with my knees. I had to actually go get a brace and take a few days off from exercise. I've got in a few runs this week, but they haven't been the runs that I had hoped to get in. And my cardio has decreased instead of increased. So I've burned less calories than more.  Nutrition: For several days I watched exactly what I ate, and stayed within my calorie 'range'. I had even lowered my calories in an attempt to drop a few pounds. What happened? I gained 2 pounds.  Freelance work: I am very thankful to have the work, but w...