No book, no class, no person that I spoke with prepared me for Motherhood. No matter how many times I heard people say, 'sleep when the baby sleeps', it didn't hit home until I lived what they were talking about. Nothing could have prepared me for the extreme exhaustion and the feelings of inadequacy that I felt. "You will soon learn your baby's cries". Really? Really? Like one day I'm going to wake up and I would know what his screaming was about. I imagined all of these other mothers hearing their little one cry a peep and go, oh, little Freddie must want me to rub his big toe to make him feel better. Well I'm here to tell you that during that time, I tried it all. I fed, changed the diaper even at times when it was dry just in case I had it on too tight or crooked. I rocked, I sang. I read that maybe he was overstimulated so I tried not to give him too much stimulation. Then I read maybe he was bored and wasn't stimulated enough. So I tried more gadgets and gizmos while the entire time thinking just when was I going to 'learn my baby's cry' and instantly know exactly what he needed. Finally I reached a point that some mothers may just 'know' what their babies needed, but some were just like me and all you could do was make sure they were fed and dry and hold them and cry with them until we both fell asleep.

I held on to the hope that 'he will outgrow this'. It will get better. At a little over 3 months, I can say they were right. Little by little he cried less with his feedings, and with each passing day it got better. And I became more confident that maybe I do have some mothering instincts in me somewhere.

But I guess the biggest thing that I was in no way prepared for was the overwhelming love that I have for this little person.

It is the most amazing feeling.

I love being a Mom.


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