Skip to main content

Maybe It's a Nervous Breakdown

Maybe I'm having a nervous breakdown? I'm almost positive that I had it penciled in for many years from now. But it feels like things are all topsy turvey. So maybe it's happening now..

I've been here for over 5 years. I enjoy it here. It's not the South. It never will be. And there are parts of the South that I miss very much. But there are also things here that I like better than the South. So all in all, I thought I had reached a place that I felt settled and content.

Why all of the sudden do I feel as though that I don't fit anywhere? What's going on that has me so rattled?

Maybe it comes down to the fact that I wanted to do this marathon with someone, with a buddy, to experience the training and the race with a friend and not alone. Maybe the reality is finally hitting me that it was never really real. I didn't have a best friend running partner that I met to run with. I had someone who met me to run occasionally, but it wasn't what I had when I was in MS. I was grasping for something that wasn't.

See in MS, I met my best friend most mornings (usually super early before her kids went to school) to run. It wasn't a run about distance, or time. It was two friends out enjoying time with each other while running. And out of that running a friendship began.

I think I wanted that and know that I still don't have it. Maybe I was trying to recreate something that wasn't and the reality is finally hitting me full force that wow, I'm alone. I have my husband and my son, but when it comes to friendship, I think I'm alone.

Hmm... maybe it's not a nervous breakdown after all. Maybe it's finally facing the reality that I didn't want to face.

But I'll face it. I'll cry. I'll ask Hubby for the millionth time "Why don't people like me?". He'll do the best he can do to ease my pain. Then pat me on the head. (not sure why he thinks that's comforting). And I'll pick myself up.

I'll focus on what I do have. And in time, I'll realize that I'm stronger than how I feel at the moment.

Comments

  1. I LIKE you!!! Your a cool, Motivated, & HONEST Lady,MOM, & WIFE! I'm not that close to run with you in the morning...but I can definitely do weekend runs...whenever you want to join up @ City Island! Chin UP...Keep Calm & RUN ON FRIEND--- you inspire me and your honesty is refreshing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I second Lu's comment. I can't do morning runs but I would be happy to meet up on the weekend sometime! And, hey, we did run lots of Double Creek together :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. New follower! Loving this blog so far!!
    Please follow us back at
    http://threebabiesandamom.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adfilic Bluetooth Stereo Portable Wireless Speaker Review and Giveaway

I love music and streaming music through various apps on my iPhone. But with the case that I have on my phone, it sort of blocks the speakers a little. I can hear, but it can be a little muffled. So when I heard about the  Adfilic Bluetooth Stereo Portable Wireless Speaker  I jumped at the chance to try it. I was a little nervous since there really wasn't a lot of instructions on setup. I mean it had the usual pictures of this button does this etc, but there really wasn't a lot of documentation with it. So I was a little apprehensive at first.  But it didn't take me too long to realize that I didn't need a lot of instruction. It was pretty much straight forward. Charge it. After it was charged, turn it on. I went into my connections on my iPhone. It immediately found it, paired, and I was good to go.  I did get a little confused on which button was volume up (and down). But after a little trial and error with that, I've had absolutely zero iss

What Summer Taught Me

This Summer has been a big learning experience - for both Lil Man and myself. Who knew that an amusement park could be such a learning experience for both of us. I watched as my little boy, all on his own, climbed stairs among strangers, learned how to wait his turn, slide down a water slide, and do it over and over again. I watched as other kids shoved him out of their way, cut in front of him as he stood patiently 'waiting for his turn'. Groves of bigger kids kept cutting in front of him, and I held back and gave him time to respond. This for me was a learning experience. See, people have to have room or space to grow. So I learned how to let go, let out the leash a little, and give Lil Man some space. The first time the kids pushed him aside, he really didn't know what to do. After a few minutes of this, I did intervene. I told him to get in line. Take his turn, and when it was his turn he was to go. And the next time as other kids pushed past him, it only took a few

Little Buffalo State Park

I don't know about where you live, but where we live we are within driving distance to several State Parks. And because the weather has been so cool this Summer, and although it's August, last week was the first time we'd been to the pool. Lil Man had a blast. We had hoped some friends could join us today, but no one was available. But we ventured out, just the two of us, and we had a blast. The water was still pretty cold. In fact, we would get in - play for awhile - then get out and sit on a beach towel in the sun to warm up. This seemed to work well. We splurged and Lil Man enjoyed his first chocolate chipwich. He exclaimed "It's a cookie AND ice cream!" I do believe he thought it was a genius idea. Although it can be exhausting as my Lil Man is one that wants me to definitely join in with him with the sprinklers etc, it was pure joy to watch him enjoy himself. I think this picture speaks for itself. I hope you are enjoying your last few days