Where Has The Time Gone?

As he kisses me on the cheek, and gives me a hug, Lil Man says "Momma, I love you so much. Love you more than school."  I know that's his way of saying he's going to miss me when he goes to kindergarten this year. Kindergarten, how did that happen?

I remember when Hubby and I were trying to conceive. I honestly never thought I would be able to have children. I had tried my best to prepare myself for that scenario. We talked of fertility options. We even went and got 'checked out', but I just couldn't do it. I knew that emotionally, I just wasn't at a place to take that route.

The fertility Dr had suggested
no, he told me - to stop running. So I did. And I was miserable. Running/exercise is my stress relief. So when I was in this very stressful situation (and month after month not getting pregnant), I asked Hubby if we could just stop (trying). Let me train for my first Half Marathon. And we both decided that's what we should do.

So, I started running more than I had ever run in my life. I was not a distance runner, but I was committed, and here I went full force into training.

In the middle of training something felt 'off', and test after test came back negative, but I still wasn't sure what the issue was. Maybe it was all of the running? Maybe that's why I felt the way that I did? But one night I decided to take another pregnancy test even though the last 3 had been negative. And this one was a faint positive. What?!?! Hubby didn't believe it.

So I waited until the next morning and took a digital test that showed pregnant.

I'll spare you the 33+ hour labor with over 4 hours of pushing and the physical difficulties that I had afterward. Who gets put on bedrest after labor? This girl right here!

But fast forward to the present and my baby, yes my baby is starting kindergarten.

It's going too fast. In the blink of an eye he went from a tiny infant that demanded everything from me to this incredible amazing unique thoughtful little boy with a heart of gold and a mind full of creativity.

He amazes me every day with some invention or saying or act of kindness.

I'm finding that one of the most difficult parts of parenting is letting go. And I'm not going to lie, this milestone by far is one of the hardest that I've dealt with. And I'm sure there will be more that are harder that this one.

But this is where I am at the moment.

I'm not ready, but I know I have to be. And for him I will be.

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