Mommy Wars

Why does it always seem like the stay-at-homes and the moms who work outside of the home always feel the need to battle it out and put the other one down? Why does it seem like each group is always trying to define that they do more work than the other group? Instead of battling it out why can't the stay-at-homes and the moms who work outside of the home realize that each person is equally important?

I chose to stay at home. It was a choice that I was fortunate enough to be able to make. But I don't have the right to judge nor do I want to the put down the moms who choose to work outside of the home. I don't think that they are doing anything less for their kids than I am by being home. Just like I don't feel that they are doing anything more for their kids by working outside of the home.

But what gets me is the fact that people feel they have the right to judge or even have an opinion as to why a woman chooses to stay home and work or a woman chooses to work outside of the home. 

I think in the end both groups just want to feel validated for their work. I know that before I had Lil Man I would have performance reviews. I would have coworkers come up to me and say you do such a great job. Or my boss would tell me how needed and important that I was to him or her. Or how I handled the situation properly. And I will be honest, that is one of the things about staying at home that I do miss. It's my personality. Maybe it's my character flaw. But I miss sometimes feeling validated. I missed that pat on the back of you did a great job today. I don't normally get that by being a stay-at-home mom. But there are many things that I do get that moms who work outside of the home probably don't get.

And it is a gripe of mine that both groups feel that they need to try to make it seem as if their group does more work than the other group. What difference does it make?!? Yeah, I might get 'time' at nap to get caught up on things. But chances are, most people who work outside the home get a lunch break or a pee break. I don't get either of those. Just like those who work outside of the home don't get a 'nap break'. And I know that soon my 'nap' breaks will come to an end...

We all as parents work hard. Whether you are staying at home and dealing with the tantruming toddler nonstop most of the day or whether you're in the boardroom giving a presentation or typing up minutes or whatever your daily duties may be. Maybe you are the boss at work and you are extremely overwhelmed by your day? The point is we all work, both groups the stay-at-home moms and the moms who work outside of the office. And in my opinion what we need to do is stop putting each other down and start lifting each other up and realizing that we're all parents with the same goal.

In my opinion, we are equals.

We are trying to do the best that we can do our children and our families.

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  1. I've been a SAHM mom, a WAHM, a single working mom, and a married working mom. They are all hard and have challenges, and it's not uncommon to look at your life and think you've drawn the hardest lot. I think it's important that as women, we make our own choices without caring what those around us think. Only you know what is best for you. I personally look at others and assume they are doing the very best they can with what they have. Great post! Enjoy that little man of yours. :)

  2. Spend More Time With Your Children
    It does not matter if you work full time or part time. Maybe you stay at home with your children but you are working from home. Even if you stay home with your children, you are busy trying to get everything done. No matter who you are, you probably think that you are not spending enough time with your children. Quality time, that is. There are many ways to spend more time with your children.
    Your children do not need to play every sport or do every extracurricular activity out there. You could spend all of your time running your children from one practice to another. Pick just one or two activities that your children love and stick with them.
    Plan family dinners where everyone sits at the table, eats, and talks about their day.
    Make dinners special so everyone likes to spend time together while eating.
    Let your children help when you are working on things.
    They can help fix dinner, clean, and fix things. Children learn by watching and doing. Chores can turn into time together so that they are much more enjoyable.
    Do things that your children want to do.
    It is hard when the house is a mess but get on the floor and play with your children. Play games that they enjoy. Have a movie night and watch their favorite movie.
    Find things that you enjoy doing together.
    Arts and crafts can be a big hit. NightArt is helping bring parents and children together. You can design a drawing and watch it light up together.
    No one feels like they spend enough time with their children. However, you need to make the most of time spent together, instead of worrying if you are spending enough time together. Find things that you enjoy doing together, like NightArt. Check it out at It will bring out the artist in everyone, bringing families together.

  3. You have to decide what is right for you and your life. No one can tell you what is best for your family.

  4. I have never hated on a stay at home mom or a mom that works outside the home. I have been both and they each have their own challenges and rewards.

  5. It's hard to be a parent, period. I don't think I've dealt with anyone on either side who has truly downplayed the difficulty of the other role.

    We all like to complain, though, and sometimes the urge to defend one's own difficulties can make it seem like someone is trying to "one-up" another person when really it's all about both sides venting. If someone is complaining about parts of being a working parent and coveting your "free" time during naps, don't be defensive that they are somehow making it seem like being a SAHP is easy. If someone is complaining about parts of being a SAHP and wishing they had professional feedback, don't take it to mean that they think being a working parent is easy.


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