How My Heart Aches

For all my moaning about Thanksgiving, it turned out quite nice. Lunch, well, in my opinion, lunch at the Casino near the race track with TVs blaring on every table, was NOTHING like Thanksgiving. And for me, this year,that was what I needed. Because I think if it would have been more like Thanksgiving, I would have been more upset that I wasn't cooking for my family like I had wanted too (Happy Holidays My ...)

And I miss my family - not just my immediate family, but my grandparents. I'll look at Lil Man and sometimes my heart will just ache because I know they would have loved him so much. And I know they would enjoy the funny antics that we've gone through (and will go through). And I ache that he won't get to know them like I did. And the holidays, well the holidays can make the ache a little deeper. It can make the loss feel a little greater. And it's hard not to let the sadness overwhelm the happiness sometimes. So as most holidays, I shed some tears. But I also tried to focus on the happy moments. 

All Lil Man talked about was chocolate cake (or chocnit cake as he calls it). I'm not sure why since he's never been a fan of cake. But when I mentioned Thanksgiving, he mentioned cake. And he definitely got his cake, along with his brownie (and mine since he took it off my plate), and a chocolate chip cookie. 

The day after Thanksgiving, we went and got our tree. I'll admit that Lil Man and I were super excited. He wasn't really sure what we were getting into. But I think my excitement was contagious. 

We got to the tree farm, and picked out our tree. The actual walking around and choosing the tree didn't thrill him. But helping Daddy get the tree down the hill to the truck seemed to peak his interest. 

And he was totally into putting up the tree, the lights, the ornaments and the star on top. He bounced up and down and talked during the entire process. Hubby and I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. And I got a glimpse of him last night just standing and looking at it. 

And here comes the personality of my Lil Man. I have this little M&M ornament. He kept wanting it and kept saying "open please". I kept telling him that it wasn't M&Ms, but just an ornament. He dropped the subject. 

But then an hour or so later, I saw him drive by in his little coupe car. He took the ornament off the tree and sped off. Ha....

Oh how my heart aches.... at the love for this little boy... at the love for my husband who loves us in return, for my family who keeps in touch daily through technology, and for the loved ones who are no longer with us. My heart is full... abundantly full.. and for this I am thankful.

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