Too Much to Think About

HG has been busy today working on the new stove insert. I've spent most of the day curled up on the couch with a heating pad. I am feeling a little better now, but not my best. I'm going to have to skip my work out tomorrow which automatically puts me in a foul mood. I really want to run at the gym, but I don't think I can. Maybe I can get some work outs in near the middle to end of the week. I have so much housework that needs to get done, but I just don't want to do it. Where is my motivation?!? Maybe I'll find it next weekend (ha).

The weather was warmer here today. I'm glad. I'm ready for all of the snow to melt. It's slowly getting there. But there is still a lot of snow that has to melt.

I'm frustrated with my body right now. I'm having a difficult time of putting what I want to do on hold for a year as I try to conceive. I'm not sure if anyone understands this. I don't think I even understand what I'm feeling right now - other than like a failure. I know that it isn't my 'fault', and I keep getting reminded by HG that it isn't my problem but our problem. Then why does it feel like my problem? Why does it feel like it is my fault that we can't have kids? Why do I feel like such a failure that I can't give him something that he wants? A year seems like a very long time to go through this, but I'll try.

I'm not sure if we will be looking for another DR or stick with who we have. I would like to go to someone else, but I hate the thoughts of starting over too. We have not decided yet. First thing first is to get through this week and see what happens with the appointment on Thursday. Hopefully I won't have to have surgery.

Maybe this month will be the month.


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