Skip to main content

Enough Enough Enough Guilt Already!

Enough is enough is enough is enough - what am I ranting about? Guilt over 'failed' runs, missed runs, or just running in general. No one is holding a gun to my head and saying - run or else?!? My life, my career, nothing in my life depends or hinges upon my running. For pete's sake, it used to be for FUN!

So why in the world have I allowed myself to get to this point? I have felt substantial guilt for missing today's long run. I feel the need to disclose that I missed my run, then some type of justification is needed (I am super tired, sore, not motivated to do it, and have slept most of the afternoon). But after seeing a post today on someone's social media, I realized that my personal feeling about missed runs, failed runs or just working out in general needs to stop - and it needs to stop now.

If you've been following my blog, or know me in personal life, then you know that I am a goal oriented person. There is nothing wrong with that, and I enjoy setting and reaching for goals. And I will continue to do so. But when running turns to work and guilt then I have seriously messed up somewhere along the way.

With feeling so burn out (Too Much Training, Too Little Fun) I changed my training up a little. I ran a 5K last weekend (because it was a good cause and I liked the t-shirt). I had a blast. I ran just to run. I knew I was running too fast. I knew I couldn't sustain the pace. I knew the hills were coming, but I didn't care and I ran anyway. I did walk on the big hill. I did let my 'lead' slip over a guy who was neck in neck. But I finished with my 2nd best time. I finished 1st in my age group, but more importantly, I finished smiling. And I congratulated those who came in before me. And it was FUN. That was the first time that running had truly been fun since... well... since before I trained for the marathon when it was all training.

I talked with my trainer and she adjusted my plan to where I ran shorter faster runs last week. And well, I loved it. It was tough. I'm still sore in lots of places, but I enjoyed running 5 miles at a faster pace than running 6+ miles slower. I also added in a spin class which I plan to continue to do, along with strength training. Anyway, today was supposed to be 10 miles, then 8 miles because I missed yesterday's run. I was busy with the family. We went and saw Thomas the train, and I didn't have the time, nor did I want to carve out an hour of our day so that I could get my run in.

I intended on running in Dauphin today and getting my miles in. But you know, I woke up tired. I woke up just not really wanting to do it, and I didn't. And because of that decision at 8am, I have dealt with guilt ALL DAY LONG. It's 3:30pm and I was still trying to justify it to myself, and figure out how I am going to re-arrange everything next week to fix today's mess up.

That's right, because it felt like I had messed up. And that is utterly ridiculous. And yes I know that it is me who is putting this pressure on me, no one else. Yes, I had hoped to PR in a Half this year, then somehow I got on the band wagon for a Marathon which changed everything, then bowed out of that (SO THANKFUL I DID) to a Half. But as things progress, I considered today if I will even do the Half. But then I slapped myself and told myself to get real and get a grip. Yes, I'm going to do the Half. Yeah, I know, the PR is probably slipping away with my lack of running. But, well, maybe that's just what's supposed to happen. Maybe the Half will be like the 5K, and I can run it just to run. Run like a bat outta hell when I want, walk when I want, talk to people, not talk to people, but just run for the pure joy of running.

Wow, now that's a great idea isn't it? Maybe it's time that I truly just ran because I like to run... not because I have this huge goal to obtain and a piece of paper is telling me that today I need, must, or I will fail if I don't, run 10 miles.


Share this on Facebook?



Do you have a click in you? If so, please give it to me. I need your vote to help me in my ranking. Please click the banner to give me a 'vote'. You can vote daily. If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Adfilic Bluetooth Stereo Portable Wireless Speaker Review and Giveaway

I love music and streaming music through various apps on my iPhone. But with the case that I have on my phone, it sort of blocks the speakers a little. I can hear, but it can be a little muffled. So when I heard about the  Adfilic Bluetooth Stereo Portable Wireless Speaker  I jumped at the chance to try it. I was a little nervous since there really wasn't a lot of instructions on setup. I mean it had the usual pictures of this button does this etc, but there really wasn't a lot of documentation with it. So I was a little apprehensive at first.  But it didn't take me too long to realize that I didn't need a lot of instruction. It was pretty much straight forward. Charge it. After it was charged, turn it on. I went into my connections on my iPhone. It immediately found it, paired, and I was good to go.  I did get a little confused on which button was volume up (and down). But after a little trial and error with that, I've had absolutely zero iss

What Summer Taught Me

This Summer has been a big learning experience - for both Lil Man and myself. Who knew that an amusement park could be such a learning experience for both of us. I watched as my little boy, all on his own, climbed stairs among strangers, learned how to wait his turn, slide down a water slide, and do it over and over again. I watched as other kids shoved him out of their way, cut in front of him as he stood patiently 'waiting for his turn'. Groves of bigger kids kept cutting in front of him, and I held back and gave him time to respond. This for me was a learning experience. See, people have to have room or space to grow. So I learned how to let go, let out the leash a little, and give Lil Man some space. The first time the kids pushed him aside, he really didn't know what to do. After a few minutes of this, I did intervene. I told him to get in line. Take his turn, and when it was his turn he was to go. And the next time as other kids pushed past him, it only took a few

Rejection

You'd think as many times as I've been rejected in my life that rejection wouldn't hurt anymore. Really, I can't count the number of times that I've been rejected, or slighted, or been on the receiving end of cruel words. I'm almost 40 for pete's sake. Rejection shouldn't bring tears anymore, but it still does. It just seems like I've been faced with it a lot lately. It started with the Running and has seemed to carry over into other parts of my life. I have spent most of my life on the sidelines watching other people. That's what happened with the marathon.   Once again, I'm on the side as others do things that I want to do. I trained. I had to have an unexpected surgery. I got injured. I couldn't run. It happens. It isn't the end of  the world. But what many don't realize is that there are numerous times in my life that I am on the sidelines, watching, wishing I was the one 'out there' - not the one watching. . But