Skip to main content

Just When I Think The Tears Have Stopped - They Come Again

Just when I think that it can't hurt anymore, that the pain has dulled from a sharp stabbing pain to a dull ache, and it's an ache that to this day has never gone away, the pain, the stabs, the searing come back. And it hurts all over again. (There Are Times You Can't Stop The Tears) 

The holidays seem to make it worse, probably because the holidays are over commercialized with happy families every where. When we all know that some people have that, but many struggle with family get-togethers for the holidays. Those without family seem to long to be with family. And often those with family long to be away from family and seek some quiet time. 

But it's during these times that no matter how hard I try to push it away, the truth is the hurt is there. And I have to remind myself that I am stronger than this. I can't allow myself to focus on the hurt but on the good. Think of Lil Man and how he counted (FINALLY) past 3 today. He skipped 5 and made it to 10, but at least he got past one two, one two. :) 

Think of how last night, he called for me, yet again, and when I got to his room, he looked at me and said 'sshhhhhh quiet' ha. He's such a little smart a$$ like his dad. I asked him what he needed and he said 'Bobo (our elf) gone'. I said, "Bobo is gone?" He replied. "Yes, see Santa.". 

Another night this week he told me he had 'water in eyes'. He'd been crying. Or when Bobo accidentally fell, and our dog Tula went to sniff him, Lil Man yelled "No, Tuwa, magic!". 

I know that if I allow the hurt to consume me, that I'll be missing the good around me. So I have to consciously stop, take a breath and focus on the good around me. I may have some gaping holes in my heart that others have left, but the rest of my heart is full of love from those who love me, those who haven't left me, those who continue to support me, those who understand the pain, and their love is far greater than the holes made by others. 
 

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rejection

You'd think as many times as I've been rejected in my life that rejection wouldn't hurt anymore. Really, I can't count the number of times that I've been rejected, or slighted, or been on the receiving end of cruel words. I'm almost 40 for pete's sake. Rejection shouldn't bring tears anymore, but it still does. It just seems like I've been faced with it a lot lately. It started with the Running and has seemed to carry over into other parts of my life. I have spent most of my life on the sidelines watching other people. That's what happened with the marathon.   Once again, I'm on the side as others do things that I want to do. I trained. I had to have an unexpected surgery. I got injured. I couldn't run. It happens. It isn't the end of  the world. But what many don't realize is that there are numerous times in my life that I am on the sidelines, watching, wishing I was the one 'out there' - not the one watching. . But

What Summer Taught Me

This Summer has been a big learning experience - for both Lil Man and myself. Who knew that an amusement park could be such a learning experience for both of us. I watched as my little boy, all on his own, climbed stairs among strangers, learned how to wait his turn, slide down a water slide, and do it over and over again. I watched as other kids shoved him out of their way, cut in front of him as he stood patiently 'waiting for his turn'. Groves of bigger kids kept cutting in front of him, and I held back and gave him time to respond. This for me was a learning experience. See, people have to have room or space to grow. So I learned how to let go, let out the leash a little, and give Lil Man some space. The first time the kids pushed him aside, he really didn't know what to do. After a few minutes of this, I did intervene. I told him to get in line. Take his turn, and when it was his turn he was to go. And the next time as other kids pushed past him, it only took a few

2 Weeks Post Mohs Surgery

May 26, 2021 3:40pm  Finally, the phone call that I'd been waiting on. It was the Medical Center. ( Finally, we can schedule my surgery. ) She tells me who she is, and then tells me that she has a cancellation for tomorrow. ( Me stammering... )  "Ok, but I was thinking the end of June."   Then I hear "We just had a moment to look at your file. We really don't think that you should wait. We really think you should come in tomorrow at 8:15am" ( Me stammering again ) "Ok, I'll be there."  Wait, what? My mind is all over the place. I'm supposed to work. How am I going to get our son to school? Will my husband be able to go with me on such short notice. I expected this to be the end of June, not tomorrow. I'm not prepared! I was overcome with emotion.  May 26, 2021 Surgery Day I woke up at 1am with a horrible headache. By the time we arrived at the surgery center, I was definitely a bundle of nerves. I got checked in, went through the usual