Skip to main content

Just When I Think The Tears Have Stopped - They Come Again

By
Just when I think that it can't hurt anymore, that the pain has dulled from a sharp stabbing pain to a dull ache, and it's an ache that to this day has never gone away, the pain, the stabs, the searing come back. And it hurts all over again. (There Are Times You Can't Stop The Tears) 

The holidays seem to make it worse, probably because the holidays are over commercialized with happy families every where. When we all know that some people have that, but many struggle with family get-togethers for the holidays. Those without family seem to long to be with family. And often those with family long to be away from family and seek some quiet time. 

But it's during these times that no matter how hard I try to push it away, the truth is the hurt is there. And I have to remind myself that I am stronger than this. I can't allow myself to focus on the hurt but on the good. Think of Lil Man and how he counted (FINALLY) past 3 today. He skipped 5 and made it to 10, but at least he got past one two, one two. :) 

Think of how last night, he called for me, yet again, and when I got to his room, he looked at me and said 'sshhhhhh quiet' ha. He's such a little smart a$$ like his dad. I asked him what he needed and he said 'Bobo (our elf) gone'. I said, "Bobo is gone?" He replied. "Yes, see Santa.". 

Another night this week he told me he had 'water in eyes'. He'd been crying. Or when Bobo accidentally fell, and our dog Tula went to sniff him, Lil Man yelled "No, Tuwa, magic!". 

I know that if I allow the hurt to consume me, that I'll be missing the good around me. So I have to consciously stop, take a breath and focus on the good around me. I may have some gaping holes in my heart that others have left, but the rest of my heart is full of love from those who love me, those who haven't left me, those who continue to support me, those who understand the pain, and their love is far greater than the holes made by others. 
 

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2 Weeks Post Mohs Surgery

By
May 26, 2021 3:40pm  Finally, the phone call that I'd been waiting on. It was the Medical Center. ( Finally, we can schedule my surgery. ) She tells me who she is, and then tells me that she has a cancellation for tomorrow. ( Me stammering... )  "Ok, but I was thinking the end of June."   Then I hear "We just had a moment to look at your file. We really don't think that you should wait. We really think you should come in tomorrow at 8:15am" ( Me stammering again ) "Ok, I'll be there."  Wait, what? My mind is all over the place. I'm supposed to work. How am I going to get our son to school? Will my husband be able to go with me on such short notice. I expected this to be the end of June, not tomorrow. I'm not prepared! I was overcome with emotion.  May 26, 2021 Surgery Day I woke up at 1am with a horrible headache. By the time we arrived at the surgery center, I was definitely a bundle of nerves. I got checked in, went through the usual ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Feel All the Feels Then Deal

By
Not what I expected when the phone rang. It was a routine dermatology appointment.  "Do you have any concerns?" “Yes, a small spot on my face. It comes and goes. Two weeks ago it had disappeared (again). So I'm actually glad that it’s back.”  It was the size of a pin head. It was teeny tiny. A nuisance, but not something that really seemed to bother me. “I suspect that it’s skin cancer.”  “So, we just burn if off, right?” “No, it needs to be cut out and sent to the lab.” I was not prepared for this. It’s on my lip! She’s going to cut a hole in my lip! She warns me that the shot is going to hurt and possibly a lot. She tells me this several times. (I’m thinking surely it can’t be that bad.)  I was wrong.  It hurt.  A lot.  I’m creeped out at the thoughts of her taking a chunk off of my face at the top of my lip. I’m even more creeped out as she tells me she’s going to burn it to stop the bleeding. Time and time again I hear the sizzle and the smell is n...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's Been a Hot Minute

By
It's been a hot minute since I've written anything.... over a year. Between being a mom, full time student, and a substitute teacher during a pandemic, writing hasn't been a priority. More than once,  I've felt like I was in survival mode with classes. I didn't expect early block  to be so intense.  I admit that I broke down and cried several times this semester with feeling overwhelmed. But, I endured until the end, and I got straight A's for the semester. I'm proud of myself that I didn't give up. I am enrolled in 2 summer class, and 4 fall classes and studying for standardized tests that I must pass before I can begin my student internship.  I will be close to 50 when I graduate. Am I too old to do this? Who starts a career at 50????? I guess I do. I don't know what's going to happen when I graduate. I do know that I am enjoying the course work, and I'm enjoying being able to put what I have learned into practice as a substitute.  This sch...
Post a Comment
Read more