Why, Why, Why?!?

Deep breath. Deep breath. I know better. I do. So why do I let myself get back to this point? Why, why, why must I feel like I am always justifying my actions. I shouldn't feel the need to explain to other people that I am doing the best that I can do to help Lil Man with his speech delay.  I want to scream sometimes that just because my son isn't in daycare that he gets A LOT of interaction with kids. We don't stay holed up in this house never seeing the world outside.

There is a voice inside me screaming 'Look. Look. Look at my calendar. At least 3 to 4 sometimes 5 days out of the week we are with other kids. His speech therapist has remarked how great I do with getting him out among his peers. But I feel like I am constantly defending my actions. I feel like because I am a stay-at-home mom that I have to constantly reinforce to people that my child has interaction with other children.

And let me tell you, sometimes it's not easy. That's right. I said it. Sometimes it's not easy to be gone half to three-fourths of the day to get home to a messy house, laundry everywhere, meals that need to be prepared, freelance work waiting to be completed, and spending quality time with Lil Man.

Maybe one day I'll wear a video camera on my head and record for a day our activities. I can pretty much guarantee you that I won't be peeing or pooping alone.

Yes, my kid has a speech delay. Yes, we are seeing progress (slow, but progress). And yes, he has speech therapy that we do faithfully. And yes, he has interaction with other children. Yes, I read him tons and tons of books. Yes, I label everything. Yes, I give him choices.

But you know what I'm really upset about? That I still let others' opinions and comments get to me. That's the real reason for this rant. I am upset with myself that I still after 40 years on this earth feel the need to justify myself to other people. And I still shrink from rejection or the thoughts of rejection. And it makes me mad that I allowed myself to mentally go there today.

Comments

  1. I totally understand. I have 4 kids, 2 of which are little boys with special needs. We get our fair share of looks, comments, opinions and "well-intended" advice. It does hurt your feelings, but you just have to brush it off and move on. You are his mother, you know him better than anyone. And you will do more than anyone else to fulfill his needs. Keep your head up :)

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  2. Interesting that you posted this today....minutes after my friend posted a link from The Four Agreements about "don't let others opinions impact your self-respect". If you have never read the book, it is worth reading.

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    Replies
    1. I've never read it. I'll have to check it out!

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  3. I understand. I have 4 kids, the younger 2 both with speech issues. I have a chronic illness and do not get her in the mix with other kids s often as I'd like but she does go to speech 2 to 3 times a week.
    Sometimes others think they are helping but we have to know we are doing the best we can. <3

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    Replies
    1. Yep, all we can do is the best for our kids.. and we as Moms have to determine what that is :)

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