God Is It Too Much To Ask?

God, is it too much to ask? I'm trying. I see my son, and I don't want him to be like me. I don't want him to be the one on the outside looking in, wanting to join, but instead is just watching. Because that's me. I want so bad to be included, to be invited, yet if I am invited, I'm so painfully shy that saying 'yes' is very hard to do. And there are times that in groups of people, I wish the floor would just open up and swallow me because it's so extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. And I don't know how to get past feeling like such an outsider. I'm trying my best to fit in here, to find my way.

I don't need five. I don't even need two. God, I just need one friend here - just one. One that gets me. One that will pick up the phone and say, hey come meet me. I would love to spend some time with you, and let's let the kids play. One that I know I could be myself with, that I could express that I was having a hard time, without feeling as if they were judging me. One that would reach out to me if she needed something because she would feel comfortable allowing herself to show weakness and trust me enough to ask for help. A friend to share laughs with, and in a perfect world, get our families together for picnics or gatherings.

God, sometimes I feel like I'm dying here, and this sea of loneliness is swallowing me up. God, is it too much to ask? I just need one.



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Comments

  1. You're not alone in feeling that way. I'm terrible in social situations with new people. If you can, join a group. Any group. Macrame, rhythmic gymnastics, book club, church, volunteering...anything you have an interest in and make yourself go and fake a smile until the people aren't "new" anymore. I've often said (in a pretend joking way) that I'd do way better in social situations if I was a little drunk all the time. Sadly, that's not particularly healthy so I just push through the insecurity and fear and feeling inadequate and out of place as much as I can and forgive myself when I can't. (((hugs))))

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    1. Thank you for sharing :) And it's nice to know that I don't feel alone about those social situations.

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  2. i was just saying tonight that friendships are so different at this stage of life. it's such a weird dynamic with people...and with facebook, too. i have found that God has answered my prayers for a friend when i have been lonely, but ultimately he reminds me that my deepest loneliness needs can be met in him. and know that we are always up for a playdate!

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    1. Yes, I agree. This has been a rough patch here in the North and with us being older parents we don't seem to fit with any 'group' :)

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  3. No, not alone at all. I'm right there...social situations would limit the feeling though....It would be nice to have that "one" I agree. Might open up the social situation part of my life...

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    1. It's been a struggle for me especially since I moved here almost 7 years ago...

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  4. This is a great post. I've been in this situation before, and I'm about to be in it again! It's so hard meeting new people. Especially for those of us who are shy... Hang in there! And try to join some groups and make yourself be active. Also, put a smile on your face because even if you're having the worst time ever and you just want to go home, you'll feel better because you're smiling. :)

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